I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
