Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
