I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
