I accidentally had phone sex last night
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
