I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize