New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am one with the molecules
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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