and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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