Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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