Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
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I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
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Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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