OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
