if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
