I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
