I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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