Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
