Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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