The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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