Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
