i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
