I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
