I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
