hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
