I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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