High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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