I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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