I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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