I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
