Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
