We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
