it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
