I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
