i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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