its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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