Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
