I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
