too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
