Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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