I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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