mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
