in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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