hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
