I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
