Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
