I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
