His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
