The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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