My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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