so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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