Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
