He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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