Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
