I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Actions speak louder than pants.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
