And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize