guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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