mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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