I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
