No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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