it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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