The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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