Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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