WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
