I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
