it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
