i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
