Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
